Life Can Be Messy

by | Feb 1, 2022 | Blog | 1 comment

I am thinking about radical acceptance today.

I woke up at 3:00am yesterday worrying about one relationship that is very important to me. Our connection is so strained that I fear real connection may no longer be possible, which brought up feelings of deep hopelessness in me.

Then I remembered my mantra for 2022: This change is divinely guided.

Repeating my mantra does not change the situation, but it helps me focus my attention and it reminds me to ask myself, “What is mine to do?”

In this case, Self-Empathy was the first thing.

Running through my Self-Empathy practice (The Mackenzie Wrap for those who know it; my go-to practice when I am especially worried), I remembered that I trust my ability to navigate difficult situations. I trust myself. I also remembered that this situation does not actually need to be resolved today. That would be my preference of course, but it is not necessary – and would even not be ideal in supporting everyone’s needs.

And, if those two things are true, the second most important thing for me to do is to live in radical acceptance. To remember that I love this person. And to remember that life can be messy and relationships can be challenging. When I accept this and remind myself to stay “in it” rather than let my fears and worries tempt me into actions that escalate my feelings, I can experience some relaxation, which then creates some inner peace.

Nothing has changed yet that I can see between my friend and I. The situation is still there. But. I am tending to it when I live in radical acceptance. I am tending to it when I practice Self-Empathy. I am tending to it when I take actions with the other person that are in harmony with my values.

I am also remembering this. I recently attended a talk by His Holiness The Dalai Lama, and one thing he said struck me like a bolt of lightning. He was speaking about Tibet’s conflict with China, and this is how I remember what he said:

We are human beings so conflict is bound to happen. The trick is being in conflict with your eye on peaceful resolution.

My eye is on peaceful resolution today, with a healthy dose of care and acceptance for all parties. I feel love for all parties. And, I accept that life is messy sometimes. That is what is mine to do.

I hope you are finding ways to feel a bit of joy in your heart, even if it, like mine, aches.

By Mary Mackenzie

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1 Comments

1 Comment

  1. Janet

    wow Mary! I really, really appreciate what you say here. You put into words exactly what I also have discovered in my relationship challenges. And having spent years working to practice radical acceptance, there is a solid place within me that knows my repeated choice to meet and welcome the challenges I find myself in brings me more connection, with all the parts of me and with the people I love. Thank you for putting it into words so beautifully!

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