Where is your heart? What are you pondering?

For myself, COVID-19 still plays a major role in my thoughts. I haven’t seen my extended family for two years, and we are supposed to go visit them next week… I am seriously considering canceling the trip in support of safety for us and others. Many people have told me that we have nothing to worry about because we are vaccinated. I’m just not certain I agree with that. Self-care and taking responsibility for my actions reign high.

I have become keenly aware of how intertwined we all are.

Today, it seems impossible for me to consider that any action I take doesn’t have a rippling effect of consequences. Two years ago, I believed this intellectually but didn’t truly know it.

This week, the pressure of life, deadlines, and too many requests to respond to all weighed on me. I blurted something out in a meeting of colleagues that wasn’t clear or thought through. I felt embarrassed about what I said and how I said it, so I sent a note to the team owning up to how I was feeling. and we have recovered from it.

Still, for me to blurt out something in that manner means I am not centered and my emotional tank is low. It is a sign that I need nurturing and self-care.

I spent the next day entirely alone: no phones and no computers. I literally closed myself in my office. I cried some. I napped some. I read a little. I felt tender-hearted and vulnerable, yet the experience was peaceful and nurturing and calming.

I ended the day realizing that I was longing for FUN, so I sent a note to a friend and asked if we could go swimming over the weekend. We got to the water and I jumped in and started swimming. She said,

“Oh, you actually swim!” Then, she threw toys in and started to get all four of us to play silly games. And I thought,

“Oh, you play instead of swim?”

Truthfully, that hadn’t even crossed my mind – and it was exactly what I needed!

So, I am pondering self-care, acknowledging that my actions have an impact, taking responsibility for my part, and noticing how utterly nurturing play can be for me.

I hope whatever you are pondering is nurturing to you, and that you too are finding ways to care for yourself.